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Comedy Thread

Delta Prime

Jul 29, 2020
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Clearly you have never had to live with someone with Alzheimer's. Tasteless joke.
I was raised to look after my elders covid took them all the only one left is my father who has Alzheimer's and a must introduce myself to him everyday!
f ou think this conversation was going to end an affirmation and coddling. Freaking limey.
 

TCSC47

Mar 7, 2016
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I was raised to look after my elders covid took them all the only one left is my father who has Alzheimer's and a must introduce myself to him everyday!
f ou think this conversation was going to end an affirmation and coddling. Freaking limey.
It is the reply I expected. And you clearly have never had to look after an Alzeimer's sufferer or really really wouldn't have made the joke. Transparent.
 

Delta Prime

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And one final thought!
I'm not a cactus expert... but I know a prick when I see one.
 

Delta Prime

Jul 29, 2020
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A business had a sign on the window saying “Help Wanted. Must be proficient typist, know how to use the internet, and be bilingual.” A dog walking by picks up the sign in its teeth, and approaches the boss, who assumes correctly that the dog wants to apply for the job.
“Come on,” the man says, “Dogs can’t type.” So the dog sits down at the keyboard and types this message: “Dogs can type just fine.”
“How about computers?” the boss asks. So the dog does a Google search and finds pages of information about the capabilities of canines.
“But the sign also says you would need to be bilingual,” the boss adds. And the dog replies, “Meow.”
 

Delta Prime

Jul 29, 2020
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A woman had terrible luck in the dating scene and was just about ready to give up when her friend said “Just put exactly what you want on your profile. There is bound to be one man who fits it!”
So she writes in her profile Wanted “Man who doesnt run around on a woman, man who doesnt drink or smoke, and man who is a great lover.”
Months go by and she forgets all about it until her doorbell rings.
She opens the door and lying on the mat is an armless and legless man.
She says “What are you here for?”
He says “Your ad”
She say “What makes you qualified?”
He says “I dont have legs, so I can’t run around on you, I dont have arms, so I can’t smoke or drink”
She says “So what makes you a great lover?”
He says “How do you think I rang the doorbell?”
 

Delta Prime

Jul 29, 2020
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A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many sales did you make today?"
The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.How much was the sale for?"
Kid says, "$101,237.64."
Boss says, "$101,237.64? What did you sell him?"
Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing".
 

Delta Prime

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This funny story inspired by real life is dedicated to the wonderful members of this community enjoy!

The sex life of an Electron.
By Eddy Currents:
Micro-Farad, attracted by Milli-Amp's Characteristic Curves, soon had her fully Charged and proceeded to Excite her Resistance to a minimum. He gently laid her at Ground Potential, raised her Frequency, and lowered her Reluctance. With a quick Arc, he pulled out his High Voltage Probe and inserted it in her Socket, connecting them in Parallel.
He slowly began Short Circuiting her Resistance Shut while quickly raising her Thermal Conductance level to Mill-Spec. Fully Excited, Milli-Amp mumbled "OHM...OHM...OHM!"
With his Tube operating well into class C, and her Field Vibrating with his currently flow, a Corona formed which instantly caused her Shunt to overheat just at the point when Micro-Farad rapidly Discharged and drained off every Electron into her Grid.
They fluxed all night trying various Connectors and Sockets until his Magnet had a Soft Core and lost all of its Field Strength. Afterwards, Milli-Amp tried Self-Induction and damaged her Solenoids, and, with his Battery fully Discharged, Micro-Farad was unable to Excite his Field
(Suffering from Variable Reluctance). Not ready to be Quiescent, they spent the rest of the evening reversing Polarity and blowing each other's Fuses
 

Martaine2005

May 12, 2015
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Hehe,
That definitely needs more input.
“probed voltage injection”, “component blew its top”, “input terminal was red hot”, etc etc.
 
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